July 2002
Ecumenical as Eels: a blatant broadside
Now this man obtained a field with the reward of his iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out. Acts 1:18.
Mitt Romney, a Mormon, wishes to become the next governor of Massachusetts. While the IRS recognizes The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) as a “religion” for tax purposes, as it does the Scientology cult and Unitarianism (some members, of which, are witches and practice Wicca), Mormons are a queer folk, mysterious and arrogant, ecumenical as eels, and outwardly demonstrate none of the social traits that practitioners of standard religions do, such as public prayer or inviting outsiders to view their services. Mormons are secretive, pejoratively protective of their privacy, and understandably so. They’ve much to hide and Romney probably won’t tell Massachusetts voters anything relevant about being a Mormon. And, perhaps, this is for the best, as Romney likely swore an oath never to discuss certain things or he’d submit to a penalty of disembowelment.
We, and each of us, covenant and promise that we will not reveal any of the secrets of this, the First Token of the Melchizedek Priesthood, with its accompanying name, sign, or penalty. Should we do so, we agree that our bodies be cut assunder in the midst and all our bowels gush out.
(From: U.S. Senate Document 486; "Endowment Oaths and Ceremonies" in Salt Lake Tribune, February 8, 1906.)
"Well, THAT sure should be winning the hearts and minds of those civilians we're targeting!" - Official White House Souse.