Economic Stimulus

Sometime again this year, US taxpayers may receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program.

I will explain it using the following Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your
stimulus check wisely:

If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, most of the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the multinational oil companies.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ..
If you buy a car, it will probably NOT go to US automakers.
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan (China).
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1 Spending it at yard sales
2 Going to ball games
3 Spending it on hookers
4 Beer
5 Tattoos

These are the only American businesses still operating in the US. So, going to a ball game with a tattooed hooker
that you met at a yard sale and drinking beer all day is good for the US economy.

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