Letter From Tallahassee Hail to the Empress Moosalina

Listen, mister, I'm pretty sure that lady is crazy. She thinks the earth is only 6,000 years old, like God put the fossils here to mess with our heads. She thinks no woman should have an abortion, even if she is raped by her smackhead older brother. She thinks global warming is nothing to do with our SUVs or tumble dryers or coal-fired power plants or air conditioners or airplanes or over-zealous central heating, oh no. It's all perfectly natural. She thinks guns are good, but books not so much. She thinks Jesus wanted us to invade Iraq. She thinks the only sex education kids should get is abstinence. If you let them find out about condoms, they'll be at it like prairie dogs after a couple of lines of cocaine.

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