Fake Holocaust Memoir to Become a Movie

25 Year-Old’s “Holocaust Memoir” To Become Movie

“Fake Shmake, We’ve Got to Keep Team ‘Caust Cool” says Producer

By Joe Bodolai © 2010, All rights reserved

Actual Holocaust survivors may be confused or shocked if they were to read some of the experiences 25 year-old Jason Frankenfluffer says he endured in a Nazi concentration camp as recounted in his memoir The Diary of J-Frank. Aside from the fact that Frankenfluffer was born some 40 years after the Holocaust, Producer Debbie Mieskeit said “we have got to keep the Holocaust survivor franchise hip for new generations of viewers, like Star Trek did. Look, vampires haven’t been real for maybe four centuries, I think, but you give Tyler Lautner some fangs, let him take his shirt off in slo-mo and bingo! Vampires are hot again. So are hot survivors. Team ‘Caust is gonna shred it epic.”
Some of the scenes Frankenfluffer shared with Say It Ain’t So, Joe! include the author’s supposed first-hand description of arriving for internment at Auschwitz:

”… I marched with the rest, shuffling in fear into the camp. The Nazis took my retro Jordan shirt, all of our clothes, especially any Yankees, Red Sox, and Lakers gear, which Nazis especially seem to love. They made us wear disgustingly uncool Old Navy sale items and Crocs. It was almost as bad as TSA. I looked at the McDonalds outside the site near the tour buses and realized I would probably never ever eat there again, even if the McRib came back on the dollar menu. The song “I’m in Love with a McDonalds Girl” came to mind and then I remembered! I’ve got to hide my iPod. But where? Snap! I did what I had to do. I took my iPod Nano fourth generation (phew, thank god it’s the narrow one) and put my hand down the back of my pants and, thanks to doing crystal meth in San Francisco a couple times, I was able to secrete it without much discomfort.“

”… then I saw her. A hot young Hasidic girl not unlike the winsome Natalie Portman. The cruel Nazi guards made her exchange her religious oversized garb for very skimpy skintight top and booty shorts. As she slipped off her top, which seemed to take an extremely pleasing long time, my arousal caused an unexpected event. I farted. But more. There lying behind me on the ground was my iPod, the earbuds valiantly attempting to do booty bass justice to Cisqo’s “The Thong Song”, which made me red with embarrassment that I still had it on my playlist…”

”After reading Jason’s wonderful and moving memoir we had an incredible pitch to the studio. We didn’t need a script. We walked in with two t-shirts that read “Team ‘Caust” and “Team Nazi.” Two words: you choose.“

When it was pointed out to Mieskeit that the “memoir” was fake, and based on a school trip, she bristled. “Oh, so are you one of those people who thinks Avatar is a documentary? Or like a factiness freak? “

Holy ‘Caust: A New Generation is scheduled for December release, as usual, “to guilt out and buzzkill your Christmas.”

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