LET'S NUKE CHICAGO!

These days, we are hearing a lot of people urging an attack on Afghanistan because Osama Bin Laden, who is suspected of committing criminal acts, lives there.

Well, sounds fine to me! Let's nuke the place, glaze it over, and while we're at it, let's nuke a few other well known homes of criminals.

Let's start with Chicago. After all, they harbored the likes of Johnny Torrio, Alfonse 'Scarface' Capone, Dion O'Banion, Frankie Yale, Albert Anselmi, John Scalise, Hymie Weiss, George 'Bugs' Moran, Jack 'Machine Gun' McGurn, Paul 'The Waiter' Ricca , Anthony 'Joe Batters' Accardo, Sam 'Mooney' Giancana, Felix 'Milwaukee Phil' Alderiso, John 'Jackie' Cerone, Samuel 'Mad Sam' DeStefano, Tony 'The Ant' Spillotro, Joe Auippa, and Joe Ferriola; so many gangsters that Chicago has become synonymous with the very concept of the gangland mob. The place is full of criminals. Let's just nuke it; teach 'em a lesson.

Or how about Milwaukee, which harbored cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer? Let's nuke them, too.

Or how about Los Angeles, which harbored Richard "Night Stalker" Remirez, Charlie Manson and his girls, the Hillside Strangler, and still harbors to this very day Rodney King rioters and druggie drive-by shooters. Shouldn't we nuke them, for the sake of our own safety? After all, are we really sure O.J. was all that innocent? Better drop the big one, just in case. You can't be too careful.

Nuke 'em. Nuke 'em all, I say. Let's teach them a lesson they will never forget! Let's do it for national security. Let's do it for the economy. Let's do it for the children. Just do it.

(Ahem)

If you stop and think about it for a moment, it is rather a silly idea to insist on bombing or invading an entire people because one of them is a criminal. The correct and civilized thing to do is to punish just the criminal, and not the neighbors who truth be told have very little to say about where anyone else can live. Most folks in Chicago didn't know if their neighbors were gangsters, and probably couldn't have done much about it even if they had. The same is true of the Afghani people, who probably don't know where Osama Bin Laden lives and couldn't do much about it if they did.

The proper thing to do is to catch the criminal. That's what was done with Al Capone, Jeffrey Dahmer, and (almost) all the rest.

We didn't bomb Al Capone's neighbor.

We didn't bomb the school across the street from where Jeffrey Dahmer lived.

We didn't bomb the shopping mall where Richard Ramirez bought his blue jeans.

That's not how civilized people behave.

That's not how civilized nations behave.


See also:
Afghanistan - The Face of the Enemy
A Mean and Nasty Trick


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